Wow! What a Roller Coaster Ride – I think I’m gonna be sick ……. but I like it – can we go again??

Studying ETL401 has been an amazing journey for me – I can’t believe it’s only been 3 months! Previously, I had relieved as a TL intermittently and thought I had a pretty good idea of what the job entailed. I now realise that it is so much more than I ever imagined! Needless to say, my view of the role of the teacher librarian has changed dramatically.

In an early blog entry I acknowledged that my early ideas had merit, but I was also beginning to see that the role went much deeper. Even at that early stage, I noted being overwhelmed at what professional literature indicated I should be aspiring to. Purcell (2010), Herring (2007) and the ASLA standards (2004) were the first “wake up calls” to really get me thinking about my traditional views. It was encouraging to note that others were feeling the same way (see John Williams’ Forum Posting “Benchmark Reality Check” and responses).

Later Valenza (2010) blew me out of the water with her Manifesto for 21^st Century Librarians (see my Forum Posting 3 May “Valenza’s Manif-Uh-Oh”). How could one person ever achieve all of those things? Judy O’Connell reassured me that Valenza has a PhD and is a specialist in the field and that she would be the pinnacle of what we are trying to achieve. Once the shock and apprehension subsided, I read further forum and blog discussions and I realised that TLs should not try to be everything all of the time. Instead we should do our best to aspire to these benchmarks, prioritise and focus on the areas which we are confident and strong in. (See my Forum Post 18 March “Role of the TL” para 3). Leanne Sharpe’s “Collaborative Rubric” Post  was particularly useful in helping me to focus on my strengths and to identify areas for improvement.

The idea of being involved with the leadership within the school scared me at first. However it really makes sense that if we as TLs are going to prove ourselves and survive into the future it is essential for us to not only build a good relationship with our Principal, but to also assist them in providing staff with the knowledge, tools and strategies they need to effectively educate our students.

I always thought I knew what collaboration was. It turns out I had very little idea.  True collaboration, as opposed to cooperation or coordination (Todd 2008) is absolutely crucial if TLs and CTs are to provide quality, meaningful, useful programs. Previously however (yes, I’m ashamed to admit it …) I thought that having 2 trained teachers for 1 class of students was a bit of a waste of school resources. I now realise the foolishness of such logic and have done a complete turnaround with my thinking. As a recently-appointed “Non Instructional Time” (NIT) providing TL I struggle to find the time needed to converse with 12 CTs at my school. I have only a vague idea of what they are doing in their classrooms and feel isolated and stand-alonish in my efforts. Still, I will not be defeated!!  The comment made by the French Teacher (see blog entry para 6) is going to get shot down in flames and turned on its head before I am through with this year!! Valenza (2010), Buzzeo (2002), Haycock (2007), Montiel-Overall (2005 & 2008) and others have given me tools and ideas on how to address some of these collaborative issues. It may take some time and I am not expecting miracles overnight, but I am determined to get there by turning a virtually non-existent collaborative climate into productive, wonderful joint ventures.

“Information Literacy” was not a concept with which I was previously familiar. I have since been exposed to so much information that at times, like others, my head has been spinning! (see my Forum Post “info lit mania” 27 April). Having examined it from (almost) all angles, I am now confident that I have a grasp on what IL actually is, and am confident to promote a thorough understanding and school wide approach to teaching it in my school. I am also excited by and keen to experiment and get others to experiment with the inquiry based learning approach.

It has certainly been a wild and exciting rollercoaster ride – terrifying, thrilling, worrying – but one that I am so glad I had. They say that ignorance is bliss, and well, I certainly was ignorant and naïve, but am now excited and enthusiastic to see where I can take the role of the Teacher Librarian in my school.

Assignment 2 looms

This being my first ever experience of blogging, am feeling rather inadequate and like I probably should have posted more during my study of ETL401 than I have. Finding the time just to complete the readings, questions and assignments has been difficult, so I guess adding ramblings to my blog was always shoved to the lowest priority in the study box.

Due date for Assignment 2 is fast approaching, and I am amazed at the rollercoaster of emotions I have experienced while studying this subject. Apprehension, fear, confidence, shattered confidence, disbelief, utter devastation, intense anger, renewed determination, frustration, worry, stress, stress, stress, self belief, renewed vigour, hope, just to name a few. I certainly know I am alive, because I have experienced some really intense emotions over the past 3 months. Am still waiting and hoping for the other end of the spectrum - exaltation, joy, celebration and relief.

While stressful, the whole experience has certainly opened up my mind, and like many other students, am feeling a little foolish at the naive and view I had when originally starting out. Now the task is to try and articulate and accurately describe the transformation that has occurred in my thinking, and (this is the hard part) to try and describe why and how that happened.

Others have posted drafts of their Task C, but I am not confident to do so. I think I will continue to play with my synthesis "behind closed doors". It is very useful to look at the work of others, and there are a few key posters in the forums who post regularly, which the rest of us really appreciate. Perhaps further into my study, I will be one of those "key posters", but not just yet.

Back to the assignment.....

Tears & tantrums

Feeling depressed reading all the joyous and happy posts in the TL forum about how relieved and elated people are to have received their first assignment back and got the big "thumbs up". I'm really pleased for those people, and it's wonderful for them.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those people and instead of jumping for joy, I am holding my head in my hands wondering "Where the hell did I go wrong?"

You put so much effort into these things - many hours of drafting, deleting, redrafting, reading, reading, reading and then more drafting and editing, only to find out that "hey sorry - you suck!" How humiliating! While I did not really expect a Distinction, I was confident that I would pass this assignment and felt that I had covered the aspects reasonably well. How can you be marked satisfactory and receive a 15 out of 30?? And 14 references is apparently not enough!!! My God - how many hours of reading are we honestly expected to do? 14 references? That makes me really angry actually. This subject is meant to be 8 hours work per week - I'm sorry, I honestly don't think you could possibly complete all work in just 8 hours, that is absolutely ridiculous.

If I got that so wrong, what is the point of continuing? I may well put a similar amount of effort into Assignment number 2 (honestly, I can't give any more than that - juggling a job, a family and a life) only to be told that my best is not good enough.

It's a shitter actually, because I was just starting to feel like I was really getting somewhere in my TL job, which I have only just started this year. This whole experience leaves me wondering whether this is really what I should be doing.

I apologise to anyone who is actually reading this blog - I know it's full of self pity, poor me, poor me, poor me - but I need to express my frustration somehow and this is one avenue for doing that. Husband can only take so much.

Two paths to follow now - chuck the whole thing in and actually get my life back, have some time to do things other than study, work, kids (gee the more I think about that option the more attractive it is sounding OR take a deep breath, grit the teeth and give Ass 2 everything I've got - which may or may not be enough. Might have to sleep on that one. Or not sleep as has been the case recently.

Grumpy and frustrated, signing off......

bloggo slacko

OK, so things are a bit slack when I actually have to look up my blogspot address and login details to be able to find it!!!

Apologies to the 3 people who have actually bothered to follow this blog - I have no idea guys! I'm still not really sure about the purpose of the whole blog thing, but know that I should use it as a reflective activity, so I guess I'm sort of treating it a bit like a diary.

The journey of studying the TL course has been interesting so far...... I am amazed at the huge ups and downs I am experiencing along the way. One minute I am feeling under control, travelling along ok (nothing fancy, but making progress and feeling adequate). Then I read the multitude of  postings I receive in my email box every day (I thought they were supposed to thin out!) and wonder a few things:

• Where the hell do they get all of the extra time to actually come up with all of that impressive sounding stuff?
• Do they ever sleep?
• Why is my brain not coming forth with such intelligent, provocative responses to the readings and activities we are looking at?

In the last few weeks, I've had a couple of "lightbulb" moments:

The staff at the school I am working in (only just started there this year) have just moved from a system where the TL and the CT work collaboratively during "library" time, to the situation of "library" time being part of the CT's NIT (Non Instructional Time). Before I was actually working in the role, I thought that having 2 qualified teachers with the one class was a bit of overkill and possibly a waste of the school's resources. I was happy to come into a position where I, as the TL, would be taking the class solo and could do what I wanted to do with them, while the CT took some much needed NIT time (we never get enough of this do we?)

Anyway, as time has gone on and I have had the opportunity to study the role of the TL, and have also been in contact with other TLs in other local schools, I have done a complete turn around in my thinking on this. I am finding it difficult to get around to every teacher (11 classes - 1 lesson a week each) in the school to try to discuss in detail with them what their students could be doing to get the most out of their RBL/Library time. I have very little idea of what they are doing in the classroom, and so am feeling a bit isolated and "standalone-ish" with my efforts in the library.

The French teacher made a comment to me early on that nearly gutted me: "They don't really care what you do with the kids, as long as they get their NIT time!" I don't actually believe this to be true of all of the staff, and if it is for some of them, I am determined to show them that something wonderful and worthwhile can occur during that one lesson per week with their class. Time will tell.

The other thing that I have been getting excited and thinking a lot about is the whole PBL (Project Based Learning) or Inquiry Learning approach. From what I am reading, this style of learning makes great sense. I feel like I need to do some more investigating to try to develop the confidence needed to really give this a crack with some of the classes that I teach - would like to try and find some simple examples that I could pick up and experiment with, just until I get the idea and feel able to create my own projects. Will continue down this path - I guess the best way is to actually take the plunge and do it!! Much can be learnt from semi-successful ventures, and like anything, the more you do it, the better you get at it. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

So, again, ye followers of the blog - sorry for the babble, just letting it all fall out onto the page so that I don't have to think too much about it when I go to bed tonight. Surely there must be more interesting things you could be doing?? No hard feelings if you decide to remove yourself from my followers list.

Now to get on with the job of trying to sift through the Information Literacy stockpile........ and to make sense of it!

Until next time.......

My Ideas on the Role of a TL - then, now and to come

I thought it would be good to make note of some of my pre-existing ideas on the role of a TL before I read too much further into the course and forget what my pre-existing ideas were!!

I am very quickly feeling rather overwhelmed at what professional literature says I should be aspiring to as a Teacher Librarian! Not having worked much in this role before, I apologise, but here are my (archaic??) ideas on what I thought a good TL would do:

• Yes, the ol' check books in and out and shelve them, an oldy but a goody
• Help students appreciate books, encourage a love for reading and books - both fiction and non fiction
• Run "library" or "RBL" lessons - might involve reading a story to junior students and providing an activity that goes with it, might also involve working with a teacher to create a research assignment, using a variety online learning tools - games, info sites, applications
• Encourage and train student library monitors to do some of the more menial library tasks.
• Teaching all students "Library Skills" - learning their way around the library, helping them to be independent in locating and using books
• Promote literature - Premier's Reading Challenge, Book Week, displays in the library
• Assist teachers in putting together a unit of work, which may or may not involve use of IT
• Keep the library a vibrant, colourful and interesting place which students look forward to visiting
• Keep the collection ordered so that resources are easy to find, including teacher resources
• Keep the collection up to date - order and process new books, purge out of date or non-relevant books

Hmmmm. Now that I have actually thought about it and listed the "old views", I actually think that even though they may not match up perfectly with the "developing views", there are lots of elements in there that start to go towards meeting them.

Some of the aspects of a TL's role that I was not really expecting and perhaps feel a little intimidated by include:

• Working as a leader in a school to develop curriculum areas, active committee participation  (stress....... I'm more of a follower to be honest)
• Resourcing the whole school curriculum!! (I know it's in collaboration, but....)
• Implementing the school's mission (too hard basket)
• Pressure to keep up to date with current trends - both in teaching and in the area of IT (when am I going to get the time to do this!!!)
• Teaching Teachers!! (They are experts in learning, can't they just teach themselves?)
• Provide PD for staff (maybe when I find my feet and actually have an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing....)
• Be a leader in IT services for the school (Ok, so I know more than some in my school, but I would not consider myself an expert or leader....)

(Sigh)

I have spoken to several people about the stress I am feeling about the whole thing and have had a few words of advice that I think are worth mentioning:

• Often these standards/guidelines are what would occur in a perfect world - loads of money, space, time, and support from schools & colleagues
• Reality is usually a lot different to the idealised picture painted (I know my reality is.....)
• Different personalities with different abilities in different areas, will place different emphasis on the various roles and duties outlined - everyone works to their own strengths, interests and abilities.

I am hoping that as I progress in my studies I will chill out a bit more on what I should be doing and focus more on my own strengths and skills and work on developing and enhancing them. I will certainly take on board the ideas and concepts from the standards, but will not burn myself out trying to be a "SUPER-LIBRARIAN".

Hello! This is my BlogSpot (is that what you call it??)

Ok, so I'm fumbling my way through and trying to work out what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing for this Teacher Librarian Masters course I signed up for. What was I thinking!!!????  Bit new to all of this!!

Have been looking at forum posts from other students and feel content that many others are feeling the same way. Looking forward to making contact with some of these people so that we can share experiences, stresses and hopefully a few laughs along the way.

Enjoy the ride fellow librarians...... BTW - has anyone else seen recent facebook "like" that says something like "That awkward moment when the librarian thinks she is actually a respected/valued member of staff".....   pfft!!