Life is shit ...... time to quit

Things improve..... momentarily

After taking a break from study in session 2 of 2011, I decided to pick up my second subject ETL503 - Resourcing the Curriculum in 2012. I was feeling very disillusioned with the system and perhaps my aspirations of becoming a wonderful TL, after some pretty rough treatment by the school I had worked in during 2011.

As time passed, I was willing and wanted to move on, perhaps even forgive the wrongdoing I felt had been done against me. I offered to do some relief teaching at the said school and the woman who replaced me at the school (who is funnily enough, not a qualified TL) even asked me to cover her for a day when she was absent, which I accepted.

As fate would have it, I scored a job at the local Catholic school as a library assistant which has been absolutely fantastic for me. I have learnt so much about the processing and technical side of the job and am very grateful to have had that opportunity. Before this experience, I am ashamed to admit, I didn't have a clue how to cover a hardcover book and was pretty shaky contacting soft covers as well!

I put my name on an SA TL relief wiki, and amazingly received a call from a TL in an Adelaide school. I did a couple of relief days there, before they decided to take me on one day a week for the rest of the year to cover the 0.2 that the permanent TL was unable to work. I am still doing this job today, 14 months later. This has also been a wonderful experience for me - in this school the classroom teachers and TL work together - planning and teaching collaboratively and this has really highlighted the difference between this (ideal) set up and that which I was in in 2011. The quality of the program and the things that you can do as a team is far superior to simply being the NIT provider in a school.

And then if all turns to shit again.....

During my study of ETL503, I was required to write a Collection Development Policy. As the school at which I had been working (you know, the one where the wicked witch pulled the rug out from under my feet.....) did not have one, I thought it might be a suitable candidate, and perhaps may smooth over some of the ill feeling that existed if I were to base my Assignment there. I approached the Deputy Principal who was more than happy to agree - she could see that the school would be getting a contemporary, relevant, useful document for absolutely no cost whatsoever.

I busied myself with the writing of the policy, and as it neared completion, I needed to collect some statistics on the existing collection to illustrate a point I was making in the assignment. I approached the TL who was initially happy for me to come in and access the system to find what I needed. On my last visit she asked me what exactly it was I was writing, so I explained that it is a document that clearly outlines the practices involved in managing the collection at that school and that every school should have one. I mentioned that when I had begun as TL at that school, such a document would have been INCREDIBLY useful, (particularly as I was an untrained TL) as no one was actually able to tell me what it was I was supposed to do! There was no information at all on how to manage the collection and I was told to "Just do what you think!"

I tried to explain to her that formalising the unwritten practices of managing the library collection was a good idea, as it means there is a standard to go by and everyone understands what (ideally) needs to be done and how it is to be done. It was at this point that I received the "talk to the hand" attitude from her. She argued that the school had never had such a thing in the past, and therefore didn't think one was necessary now. She was also dead against having the policy approved by the school's Governing Council (GC), with the argument that "Classroom teachers don't have their budgets or individual policies approved by the GC, why would we need a library policy approved by them?" I accepted her objections, but politely and diplomatically said that I would discuss it with the Principal to gain his thoughts. I then continued with my research in the library, while she promptly snuck out and went straight to the big boy's office ...... no doubt to fill him in on my plan!

By the time I went to discuss the merits of having a Collection Development Policy with the Principal myself, his mind was already made up too - "No, we don't need one of those." Both he and the (fake) TL were happy for me to write it and for them to use as "guidelines", but were adamant that no actual policy was required. I don't think I have ever felt as frustrated in my life as I did that day. It took all of my guts, wits and self control to stop myself from bursting into tears in front of the Principal - I waited until I was safely secure in my car and then let it all go!!

I howled, moaned and wailed my disappointment that such a narrow minded, dim-witted, arrogant attitude could exist. There was no way on earth that I was going to put my heart and soul into something that was meant to be a policy, for it to be used as...... guidelines. No way in hell! (Consequently they have never since laid eyes on my said "policy/guidelines".)

The darkest hour is right before the dawn:

The upside to this experience is that in my frustration and anger, I became more determined than ever to do a wonderful job on the POLICY (not guidelines, no...... Policy) and succeeded in gaining a Distinction for my efforts. There is a GOD!!

I continued to work in the Adelaide public and local Catholic schools, and in term 3 was offered 3 days a week to replace a TL that was going on long service leave at the Catholic College. I jumped at the chance, and although things were incredibly busy, trying to manage the family, work and other commitments, I couldn't turn down the opportunity and gave it everything I had. As with the Adelaide school, this position involved working with class teachers planning and executing programs that suited their needs. I was working alongside another TL, who I now consider to be my mentor, and idol and who has given me the encouragement, confidence and boost I needed to continue on with my study and ambition to one day become a fully qualified Teacher Librarian. My self-esteem as a TL has soared and I am optimistic about the future. Thank you Linda Hall. YES!! This is what it is meant to be like!!

I apologise to anyone who has had to read this blog - I realise that I have rambled on and on. It may not even really be totally relevant for what I am required to include as far as the CSU study goes, but I feel that these events have been incredibly significant in my journey towards becoming a qualified TL. I can now see that not every workplace is going to see things the way I do. There will be arrogant, narrow minded dimwits along the way who will upset me, disagree with me and even deceive me, but I am determined not to let such events deter me from being a bloody decent TL! I have also seen that there are schools out there who really do recognise and appreciate the benefits of installing a qualified TL into their library.

I believe the school that gave me the flick has missed out on a very good opportunity - not only have they passed up the chance to have a much-needed policy written by a university student who has access to contemporary theory and practice in this field, but they have also lost the opportunity to employ an excellent TL who will make a big difference in their school. I am very much appreciated at my current schools and I love it!

Looking Ahead .......... Positively

This whole saga has been hugely painful, but also very enlightening for me. It has allowed me to reaffirm that this is what I really want to do. OK, I think it's time to stop now. Feel so much better having poured all of that out. Weight lifted!

I'm looking forward to picking up the study in Session 2 this year - ETL505 Bibliographic Standards in Education here I come!!

Time to start blogging again....... right now!

I noticed with some alarm today that I have not made an entry in the ol' blog for quite some time. Since my last blog lots of things have happened - some incredibly excellent and some incredibly shattering. So - where to start? My previous entry was quite a philosophical reflection on the completion of my first subject studying the TL Masters at CSU. At that time I was working as a TL in a local primary school 3 days a week, trying to juggle work, study, family, sport and life in general. Here's what happened next:

Screwed over by someone you trust.....

I spent 2011 working as a TL at my local primary school 3 days each week. This was as a NIT (Non-Instructional Time) provider, meaning the class teacher did not accompany the class during their library time. It also meant there was very little planning & collaboration time between class teachers and myself, and in the words of the French teach (also NIT provider) - "They don't really care what you do with the kids, as long as they get their NIT time". I don't actually believe that to be true for all staff members, but it was a bit of a wake up call.

While I knew this was not an ideal situation, I tried to make the most of it and was enthusiastic about incorporating aspects, ideas and theories I was exposed to during my CSU study. Very little time was given to the admin side of the role, and so I felt I was always just keeping my head above water with regards to the actual managing of the library itself. I did on numerous occasions investigate and report to the Principal that the time allocated for admin (and even for SSO - School Support Officer - time) was inadequate, but was met with a brick wall and told that under the new agreement/award I was entitled to the same amount of non-contact time as an ordinary classroom teacher! You now have some idea of what I was dealing with...... but wait it gets better..... oh so much better!

It was hard and frantic work but I really did enjoy what I was doing, even though I knew it was not my "ideal situation". The school needed to fit more into their program for funds allocated, and so towards the end of the year the Principal made noises about changing the role of the TL to more of a "Design & Technology (D & T)" focus. I objected strongly to this, and voiced my opinion as such.

The end of the year came and I prepared myself for the fact that the TL that was on leave would be returning and I would be out looking for other TL/relief work. To cut a long story short, she decided not to return (long illness, close to retiring age, probably disillusioned with the system/boss/school) but I was not informed of this, nor given the option to return to the job. Instead, another member of staff who has spent the last x number of years filling various positions within the school was offered the position. Interestingly - she was also one of 3 members of the PAC (Personnel Advisory Committee), the other 2 being the Principal and another member of staff. At the time the decision to appoint her was made, the 3rd member of the committee was away on holidays (with me as it happens) and knew nothing of the decision! Does that sound incestuous or what?

I was absolutely devastated at the time and could not believe that such political, self-serving, dog-eat-dog actions could actually happen in real life! When I approached the Principal about the matter he told me that I had already indicated to him that I was not interested in the position if it was to focus on D & T. That may well have been the case, but I was offended that I was not at least given the option to return - I felt that I had done a pretty good job of it, had built great relationships with students and staff and really felt like I had been "kicked in the guts". When I asked if there was anything about my practice that was not satisfactory, I was reassured that they were very happy with my performance, but that they really thought I was not interested in the job.

END OF PART 1 - Feeling as though my life as a TL is over!! Confidence shattered, very, very, angry with how the system can treat you and not wanting to set foot in that school ever again!!

PART 2 - things improve, get worse and then improve again. Coming soon.......